BABY ON BOARD

Have you seen them? Of course you have. You know, those signs you see stuck on the rear window or bumper of cars. Not the slightly witty or smart signs, like “Be careful, I drive the same way as you do”, or , “If you can read this you’re too darn close”, or “My other car is a Lamborghini’, but the ones that baldly state: “BABY ON BOARD.”
Now, exactly what information is the person driving this car trying to impart?
Is it meant to be a literal message ‘Don’t rear-end me or you’ll injure the baby I have left lying on the back seat’? Or is it just meant to be ‘Slow down, you moron!’
Maybe it is a sort of cryptic way of saying ‘Please be more careful than usual anywhere near this vehicle because the driver is pregnant and could act a little irrational if you get too close.’ Who knows?
Now I may be in the minority here, but I find BABY ON BOARD signs to be rather meaningless, boring and they seem to have a somewhat hypnotic effect on me, causing me to actually speed up and drive a little more reckless than usual.
I think the time is ripe for some more interesting versions of BABY ON BOARD don’t you?
How about some of the following?
BABE ON BOARD
LARGE CHILD ON BOARD
CHEESE ON BOARD
ALL ON BOARD
BITCH ON BOARD
SNAKES ON BOARD
FORENSIC SCIENTIST ON BOARD
BORE ON BOARD
BRAT ON BOARD
MICRO-ORGANISMS ON BOARD
DAVID BECKHAM NOT ON BOARD
Anyone add to this list? There must be thousands more, some even more interesting!

Hypnotic Christmas

Well, its that time of the year again. "Snoopy's Xmas","Felise-narvy-duh?" and other perennial, mindboggling ditties ad nauseum on the radio. Frenzied, red-eyed shoppers filling malls to the gunwhales, grabbing wildly at anything and everything that's for sale and being served by majorly stressed shop assistants close to breaking point. Credit cards stretched to the utter limits of their credibility. Christmas decorations festooning everything - shops, houses, public buildings, public outhouses, all groaning under the weight of lights, tinsel, nodding reindeer, jolly Santas and the like. Mountains of high cholesterol food and alcohol being stockpiled in each and every home, as if in preparation for an imminent world disaster. And, worst of all, radio and TV announcers throwing in their contribution by giving us an unsolicited countdown of shopping days left to THE BIG DAY.
Hypnosis, self hypnosis, hysteria, trance states - it's all happening out there folks! Anyone still reckon they can't be hypnotized?
CHRISTMAS! I LOVE IT!

Ridiculously Simple Hypnosis

Have you ever tried self hypnosis? No? A surprising number (estimated at 35%) of people have, but very few of these people continue to use it more than several times. Why is this? The main reasons seem to be that:
(a) It takes too long to do it -they simply don't have enough time in their day.
(b) They don't get the results they expect, or don't know what to expect.
(c) They just lose interest and have a couple of glasses of wine instead.
How do you get around all that? Easy.
All that people are looking for is a simple, quick and enjoyable method THAT WORKS!
Well, I've got some good news and some bad news..
First the good news. A simple, quick and enjoyable method DOES exist.
Now for the bad news. You need to have a reasonably sound imagination for the method to work properly. So, if you are a civil servant or government employee then the method probably won't work for you. (just kidding)
The Method. Here it is...
First, put away the bottle of wine.
Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath. As you breathe out, imagine you are falling, falling into a wondrously soft, fluffy, white cloud. Continue breathing deeply and see yourself floating, utterly relaxed on that cloud. Doesn't it feel good to just totally relax?
That's it! Try it, practise it, use it. Anywhere, anytime. Just do it! It works!