SMH (Supermarket Hypnosis)

I don’t venture into supermarkets very often. Loveliness and I have had a sort of tacit understanding that things turn out for the best if I either remain at home or sit in the car with Lust the dog whilst she gets the groceries. By ‘turning out for the best,’ I mean we spend less money this way. By my own admission, I am a bit of an impulse buyer and we tend to come home with quite a few extra items we don’t really need if I set foot on SM premises.
On the odd occasion however, such as when Loveliness is totally incapacitated (eg paralytic drunk/dysenteric/projectile vomitous), then I am the elected person to visit the SM. This happened to me recently, and I must say that although I wasn’t initially ecstatic at the prospect, it did turn out to be a basically enjoyable and cerebral experience.
What made my trip memorable was my observation of fellow-shoppers.
To the eye of a trained hypnotist, such as myself, it was readily apparent that many of the shoppers were actually going about their shopping in a light-to-moderate trance state! Glazed, red eyes and bent heads were the order of the day, accompanied by monosyllabic grunts to partners and children alike as they stuffed their trolleys with all manner of goods.
“What’s causing this”? I asked myself, “Am I unconsciously hypnotizing these good folk?”
After that little brain implosion, I considered again… “What is happening here?”
Well, after a bit of further consideration, I came up with the following four-fold explanation…

Music. The music would probably be classed as nondescript by the uninitiated, but to my trained ear I found it was at a distinct beat, causing 7-14 brain wave cycle per seconds – the Alpha state, right? Very relaxing, very hypnotic.

Subliminal messages. I closed my eyes and listened intently to the music again. Very faintly but still understandable, I heard, “Buy Buy Sugar, but I’ll always love you,” and, further, “If you want it, here it is, come and get it right now.”

Shopping trolleys. Hypnosis requires a narrow focus of attention. Shopping trolleys are designed to be exceptionally hard to steer – total focus of attention on the path of your trolley is needed.

Suggestive messages. Every aisle, every display stand, these were blatant. “Last ones on offer! Be Quick! $4.99 each, or 50 for $249.99” is one I seem to recall.
The first few aisles all had cheap items on offer, with the more expensive items being reserved for the last few aisles, by which time the maximum state of hypnotic trance would have kicked in.

Now I thought, that by being so abundantly observant, I would have been totally immune to all these effects of the hypnosis taking place around me. So, imagine my surprise when I arrived home to discover that although I had purchased everything Loveliness had told me to get, I had also bought 5 tins of Plumcots (cross between plum and apricot), 4 cartons of avocado icecream, 3 packets of deep fried caviar, 2 boxes of frozen Ostrich offal and a partridge-in-a-pear tree!
Not surprisingly, but regrettably, Loveliness has banned me from all SM’s; to take effect immediately.